"Honey, I don't think you should eat that considering all the weight you've put on recently."
"How did you lose so much weight?"
"You're tiny! You can eat whatever you want! I gain weight just looking at food."
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Sound familiar?
It’s surprisingly common (and often casually accepted) for people to comment on others’ food choices or body size. But let me be clear:
❗❗❗ It’s never okay to comment on someone’s body size or food choices unless they’ve consented or brought it up themselves—and even then, it’s only kind or helpful if it’s from a place of genuine care and sensitivity.
Just because this happens frequently doesn’t mean it’s harmless, and it definitely doesn’t mean it’s okay.
Situations Where People Might Comment on Your Food and Weight:
Certain situations seem to invite unsolicited comments more than others.
Here are a few you may have experienced:
After losing weight—often praised as intentional or a sign of discipline
After gaining weight—often viewed with concern or even judgment
Eating a "big" meal and being called a “bottomless pit” or “garbage disposal”
Pregnancy, as the belly grows
Postpartum, when the "baby weight" is supposed to melt away
Social events, where a host pushes food despite “No, thank you”
Eating in public, which can bring comments on your choices or portion sizes
Health assumptions based on your appearance or weight
When people comment on weight gain, it’s often with a sense that it’s “bad” or “unhealthy.” And when it’s weight loss, it’s assumed to be intentional, even praiseworthy. But both perspectives are filled with assumptions that may cause you to miss what’s really going on in someone’s life.
Why Weight Isn’t a Simple Topic
👉When people comment on weight loss or weight gain it's often loaded with (inaccurate) assumptions.
If a person loses weight, there’s often an assumption that it was intentional and/or that it's a good thing. We live in a society that immediately praises weight loss, assumes it was a goal to be achieved, assumes it's something the person wanted and therefore is now happy,
When people comment on weight gain there's almost always an undertone of this being a bad thing, something went wrong, a goal wasn't achieved, or you assume the person must be struggling or unhappy, etc.
Making these assumptions can lead to misunderstanding what's going on in the life of someone you care about.
Here are just a few reasons weight can fluctuate:
Mental health: Conditions like eating disorders, depression, trauma, anxiety, and grief can impact appetite and weight.
Medications: Many medications alter appetite, digestion, or metabolism.
Hormonal changes: Puberty, pregnancy, menopause, or other hormonal shifts can affect weight.
Life transitions: Sometimes people gain or lose weight just because. They may not be aware of it, may not be striving for it, or may not care at all that it happened. Perhaps they transitioned from an active job to a desk job or vice versa. Perhaps they started working from home and no longer had their bike commute. Our bodies are going to change and shift over time as our life circumstances do because we’re not robots.
Chronic health conditions: Many invisible illnesses affect mobility, metabolism, and energy levels.
Eating disorder recovery: Weight gain can be part of life-saving recovery.
Weight changes like these are natural and normal. And often, they have no deeper meaning beyond adapting to life. So, unless you’ve been invited into someone’s health story (i.e., they bring it up), do not ask questions about or comment on weight.
Your Comments Can Be Fueling Disordered Behaviors
Weight-related comments can unintentionally reinforce someone’s disordered eating patterns.
If someone is losing weight or gaining weight as a result of their disordered eating behaviors, your comments are fueling the fire. Even well-meaning comments can validate negative self-talk.
When people are fighting disordered behaviors, even one comment can provide fuel to keep those behaviors going.
How to Respond When People Comment on Your Body or Food Choices
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I've got a 14-page guidebook that is FULL of different examples and ways that you can respond to diet talk or comments on your body and food. To get the full run-down, DOWNLOAD THE GUIDE 👇👇.
Here are a few examples to get started:
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✨ Shut it down politely but firmly:
“I’d prefer if we didn’t talk about people’s bodies when we’re hanging out.”
“Thanks for your concern, but I’d rather not discuss this topic.⠀⠀⠀
✨ Use self-disclosure to provide context:
“I’ve been going through a tough time and my weight has changed because of stress. In the future, I’d love for you to check in on how I’m doing emotionally rather than focusing on my appearance.”
“I started a new medication recently, and weight changes are a side effect. It’s a reminder that bodies fluctuate for so many reasons that are beyond our control.”
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✨ Express how the comment impacts you. Try using an "I feel...." statement:
“When you comment on my appearance, I feel self-conscious.”
“When we talk about your dieting or weight loss, I feel judged and insecure.”
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✨ Change the subject:
“Let’s talk about something else. I don’t think this is a great topic for dinner/lunch break/happy hour.”
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✨ Reflect back an observation:
“I notice that you often bring up my body when we’re together.”
“It sounds like you’re really concerned with what people eat.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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👉These are just a FEW of the examples I provide in my "How to Handle Rude Guidebook." If you want this FREE 14 page download immediatelyyyyy, snag it right here!
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Remember: your body and your food AREN'T OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.
Setting Boundaries and Making Requests
When comments on your weight and food go beyond what you’re comfortable with, setting boundaries or making requests can help you maintain control.
Here’s how they differ:
Requests ask someone else to adjust their behavior and respect your needs. For example:
“Can you please avoid bringing up the sizes of your clothes when we shop together?”
“I’d appreciate it if we didn’t talk about calories when we’re hanging out.”
Boundaries are statements of what you will do in response to someone’s actions. They keep the focus on what’s within your control. For example:
“If you continue to comment on my weight, I’ll need to take a step back from our relationship.”
“If you keep talking about my food choices at dinner, I’m going to leave the table.”
Requests offer the other person the chance to respect your needs, while boundaries provide you with a specific action if they don’t.
Tip: Try starting with a request with loved ones. If they don’t honor it, you may decide to set a boundary.
Your Body, Your Business
At the end of the day, your body and your food choices are no one else’s business. You have every right to protect yourself from conversations that make you uncomfortable, especially if they reinforce unhealthy views on food or body image. Practicing these responses can help you manage comments without sacrificing your peace.
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