What is shame?
Shame. It’s the urge to hide, the fear of being seen, and the pervasive belief that you are inherently wrong, bad, broken, or simply not enough.
As much as shame sucks... we need to talk about it.
Shame:
Breeds secrecy
Keeps people stuck
Takes lives
Shame is so uncomfortable that most people try to ignore it, avoid it, or escape it at all costs.
Shame vs. Guilt:
Guilt is the heavy knot in your tummy that appears when you act out of alignment with your conscience or your truth. While neither guilt nor shame is particularly comfortable, guilt is temporary and situational. It can be released, shaken off, and is sometimes valuable.
But shame? Nah. No one likes shame.
People familiar with shame say they feel wrong and broken to their core. They are scared to exist, to be seen, and to speak their truth.
If you hate your body so much that you want to hide and feel unworthy to show your true self, this is shame.
If you feel embarrassed because your boobs are uneven or your acne just arrived and you think this makes you unlovable, this is shame.
Shame makes you feel bad and convinces you that you are bad. It is debilitating.
Shame isn't productive
Shame isn't serving you or helping you become a better person. You can walk away and leave it in the dust. You can say goodbye to the lies you've believed about who you are and what you're not.
Shame isn’t necessary for survival. Nobody ever evolved from feeling like shit. On the contrary, your body is craving love and acceptance. Your actions are separate from who you are.
4 Ways to Work with Shame:
1. Notice where and when 'shoulds' show up in your life
Who is telling you how to live life? Why do you believe them? What would happen if you challenged this ‘should’?
2. Choose guilt over shame
Try to avoid all-encompassing statements like “I’m a failure” or “I’m bad.” Instead, use gentler language: “I made a choice that leaves me feeling guilty” or “I said something that doesn’t sit well with me and isn’t in alignment with my truth.”
3. Offer yourself healing messages
Use affirmations to counter your shame stories. Try “I am enough,” “All parts of me are welcome here,” or “Nothing I do can dampen the light in my heart.”
4. Get accountability for your thoughts
Sometimes we all need a friendly reality check. If you notice yourself slipping into a shame spiral, ask someone you trust to remind you that we all make mistakes or choices we aren't proud of, but that doesn't make us a bad person. Get someone to remind you that your appearance or what you ate says nothing about your worth as a person. Find someone who will pour truth and love into you when you have a hard time accessing it yourself.
Stepping Into Your Power
Shame is a complex and deeply ingrained emotion, but it doesn't have to control your life.
By understanding the difference between guilt and shame, challenging the 'shoulds' in your life, using affirmations, and seeking accountability, you can begin to overcome shame and step into a life of greater self-acceptance and joy. You are inherently worthy of love and acceptance.
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